Further adventures of Harvey and Pamela Owens aboard the Sea Bounty

By Phil Cole

The moment Pamela announced that her Aunt Agatha would visit the Sea Bounty, I sensed trouble. For one thing, I knew that my opportunities for reaching a relaxed state of contemplation would be drastically reduced. It's true that over the years I have developed a modus operandi which provides a high degree of success in evading Pamela's unintentional, yet persistent, invasion of my occasional retreats into a state of suspended thought and action. Yet, with Pamela and her Aunt Agatha practicing the art of constant verbal gymnastics, a man intent upon peace and quiet would have little chance of success.

"What's an 'Aunt Agatha'?" I questioned. "After all, I've never met her. She may be an ogre or--worse--a teetotaler." I had visions of my nightly martini being replaced by an unholy blend of prune, apple, and apricot juice. "Perhaps she's a vegetarian," I ventured. "Then I'll either give up filet steaks and prime rib or eat them under her disapproving gaze, probably accompanied by a stern lecture on the evils of meat and fat."

"Don't be silly, dear," Pamela replied. "You'll love Auntie." As it turned out, either of the attributes I feared might have been easier to cope with than one of the habits she displayed during her stay. But then I'm getting ahead of my story which really began with Auntie's arrival in mid-June.

"My dear niece! I haven't seen you in many years. Let me look at you!" she was saying as she stood on the dock beside the Sea Bounty. She was just as Pamela had described her--short, thin, white hair, small facial features, and sharp penetrating eyes. There was something in her voice and the pace of her conversation that gave me the idea from the start that she was a scatter brain.

"I was talking to your mother about you just the other night," she continued talking to Pamela.

"Ummm," I interrupted. "I'm Harvey, the Owens' side of the family. Nice to meet you, Aunt Hattie."

"Agatha!" Pam interjected.

"Yes, Agatha," I continued while I had the floor.

"Oh, so you're the husband!" she threw in my direction while she inspected me carefully.

"I've heard so much about you, Auntie." I interrupted her investigation of my profile. "Pamela has a way of going into detail about things and people, as you must know. I believe your saga lasted a day and a half when it was first run. Then the summary version was repeated after the news last night on the late-late monologue," I said, trying to insert some humor into an otherwise dull conversation. "But, you have one thing mixed up about Pamela. Her mother's been dead for years."

"Harvey, I forgot to tell you," said Pamela. "Aunt Agatha has established contact with the other world."

"What other world?" I demanded.

"You'll know more about it after my visit," Auntie replied. "Although I don't know..." She paused and looked at me inquiringly. "You may not be the type to understand it."

"I hate to end such a delightful conversation," I remarked, "but we planned on reaching Victoria by nightfall, and it's a long trip from here. We should get started."

"How nice," Agatha replied. "I've always wanted to see Victorville."

"No, Victoria," I corrected. "Victorville is in the desert in California."

"Oh, yes, that's nice," Agatha said. "Well, let's get going. I'm ready."

"But, your things--" I queried, "what about your clothes and other things? Didn't you bring a bag?"

"Bag?" she began. "Oh, yes. A nice man brought me here in a yellow car from the airport. He must have them. See that car up there in the parking lot?" Agatha said, pointing ashore.

"You mean you've had a taxi waiting up there while you've been chatting about some other world?" I scowled, "Why didn't you say something?"

"Now, dear, just go get her things please--and pay the cab like a darling," Pamela said.

"Just a minute-" Auntie was saying as she fumbled through her purse. She reached in her change bag and handed me a quarter. "Give that nice man this and tell him 'thank you.'"

"Well," I thought, "I can see that this is going to be a fine ten days!"

I paid the thirty-two dollar cab fare along with a twenty-five cent tip and collected four huge suitcases plus a package that later turned out to be a ouija board. I packed these items down to the Sea Bounty. I managed to stuff Auntie's stuff into the forward cabin. It left little room for Auntie herself. "Perhaps we could send her to Victoria by bus and take her luggage ourselves!" I thought gleefully. "It might take her days to find us again!"

"Ever ride the bus, Aunt Alpha?" I asked out loud. "'Agatha,' Harvey, really!" Pamela reminded.

"That reminds me of my bus trip through London," Agatha began. "The wax museum was the highlight of the trip."

"Figures, waxy. Surprised they didn't keep you there," I said under my breath.

"What's that?" Agatha said sharply.

"Wax figures," I revised my statement, "so real that I'm surprised they stay there! There's a London Wax Museum in Victoria, too."

"Oh, some of them don't," Agatha said.

My head whirled. "Oh, don't stay there you mean." I replied. "I suppose they sort of melt away... like candles."

"Not at all!" Agatha said indignantly. "Why Ivan the Butcher disappeared over twenty years ago. He killed two guards with an axe on his way out and has butchered over thirty people since."

I could see that Auntie's visit was going to be delightful!

"Time to weigh anchor," I said. "We have to check it every other-day, Auntie. If we don't feed it well enough, it loses a few pounds and just melts away like old Ivan did."

"Harvey, that is not funny," Pamela cautioned.

By mid-afternoon we were tied up to a float in front of the Empress Hotel. I checked us through customs without a hitch except that the officer checked through Aunt Agatha's bags and found a number of jewelry items which he examined with interest. I finally convinced him that we were not importing jewelry, and he gave us our entry permit.

I sat on the bridge and examined the ivy-covered walls of the old hotel, as well as the green tarnished copper roof tops of the government buildings. I was just contemplating a 40-foot sail boat across from us which by chance happened to have an attractive brunette sun bathing on the deck when Pamela approached.

"Harvey, you're staring!" she interrupted my thoughts.

"Nice lines," I commented.

"Harvey!" she exclaimed.

"The sail boat, I mean," I explained. "Especially her bow and did you notice..."

"You noticed enough for both of us" Pamela concluded the exchange.

"Why does Aunt Agatha carry all that jewelry?" I changed the dialogue.

"She loves gold and diamonds," Pamela offered.

"Where does she get her money?" I asked. "That's a bit of a mystery, dear. She never seems to have money for any thing. Well, it's like that taxi business..."

"You mean we're footing the bills, but instead of saying 'thank you,' she'll slip me a quarter now and then and pretend it's a fifty-dollar bill?" I conjectured.

"Exactly. But who knows? She may be rich and leave us a fortune," Pam offered.

"I wonder if I can write off that kind of investment on my income tax," I speculated. "'Dinner, one hundred thirty-three fifty, entertain aunt to acquire unknown fortune.' I don't know. I wonder how world adventurers and treasure hunters do it."

Dear, Agatha is not a lost treasure," Pam interrupted.

"You can say that again!" I responded. "She's not even lost, unfortunately," I thought to myself.

"Harvey, I want you to be nice to her." Pamela said. "It's time to get ready for dinner. You are taking us to the Empress, aren't you?"

"I guess the only question is 'who' is being taken!" I said. "Of course."

The old world charm of the Empress Room was at its best. The crystal chandeliers, the waiters in bow ties and white coats, the linen table cloths, china, and sterling silver. Agatha especially liked the sterling silver. She also went wild about the pheasant under glass. For a quarter, who could blame her!

"Pardon me. You are Herr Harvey Owens, the private investigator, ist that not so?" A slim man in a dark tuxedo was speaking to me in broken English with a German derivation. At first I was annoyed. Then I saw that his companion was the brunette with the nice lines from the sail boat.

"I've retired from all that," I said as I stood to my feet. "But yes, you are right, I was in investigation--this is my wife, Pamela and her Aunt Freda," I offered, hoping for more introductions.

"'Agatha,' the name's 'Agatha,'" Auntie said.

"Charmed," Pamela added.

"Count Heinrich Hoffman," the German fellow said as he bowed and kissed both ladies' hands. "And this ist meine Frau, Countess Christina."

I decided to do my part of the ritual. "Countess, I'm delighted," I said as I took her hand and kissed it.

"Please call me Christy," she said.

"Pamela, may I present the Countess Christy?" I turned, still holding her hand.

"My, Countess, how delightful to meet you!" Pam responded with a slight curtsy.

"Agatha, Christy," I finished the introductions.

"Harvey, do you have to make fun of everyone?" Pamela asked.

"What did I say?" I countered.

"Agatha Christy! You know full well what you said," Pam concluded. "She was a mystery writer," she explained as if to educate the count and countess.

"We are well acquainted with Murder On The Orient Express as well as other stories by the famous fraulein," the count replied. "I find Herr Owens' humor quite amusing."

"Well, I'm glad someone does!" I threw in Pam's direction.

I was busy admiring the countess. Not only was she just as shapely in an evening dress as she had been in a bikini, but she also had a sparkler around her neck which was probably the biggest and brightest diamond I had ever seen. "This countess must have some real money," I thought to myself.

Just then the floor began to sway under my feet. I looked around for the source of this earthquake and identified it as an elephant in the shape of a man approaching to my port side. He was closing in fast and as he drew near, I could hear his loud breathing as he inhaled through huge nostrils and exhaled through his large flat nose. He sounded like a dying man hooked up to a breathing machine. He weighed at least three hundred and fifty pounds. His head was too small for his body. His eyes were black--like beady jets staring from either side of his over-sized, crushed nose. In summary, he was about the ugliest man I've ever seen.

He walked, or rather lumbered, right up to the countess, stopping only inches from her throat. He then proceeded to stare at her rock and talk in a loud wheezing voice.

"My name is Cevello. I saw your diamond from across the room. I would like to have a closer look at it."

With that--and without further explanation or waiting for consent--Fat Man put his plump, stubby fingers under the countess' necklace. He reached into his coat pocket with his other hand and produced a jeweler's eye-piece. He put the eye-piece in one of his beady eye sockets and bent himself so that his fat face was only two or three inches from the countess' cleavage--a position which I couldn't help but envy.

"Just as I thought," Fatso exclaimed. "This is the famous Deming diamond. It was cut by Antonio Pastore, one of the three best diamond cutters in the world during the 1940's. His work is unmistakable. It is lovely. It is of a value beyond my ability to estimate. I have not known of its whereabouts since its former owner, Count Deming, sold it along with the rest of his collection.

"Ach Du Lieher!" the count exclaimed. "Was ist los?"

I recalled just enough German to know that the count had said something like, "in Heaven's name, what is the meaning of this?" He must have been so agitated that he broke into German without realizing it.

"A thousand pardons. But surely you have heard of Cevello! I was one of the largest importers of diamonds to the United States after the war. I have not touched anything like this for years," he said. I wasn't sure whether he was referring to touching the stone or the countess' neck. They seemed of at least equal value to me.

Even after introductions were made, everyone seemed a little edgy in the presence of this very gross and coarse man who had forced himself upon us. He proceeded as if he did not notice.

"I have been retired for years," Cevello explained. "My yacht is anchored in front of the Empress. I spend most of my time on it. You will, of course, all come aboard for after-dinner drinks. I will serve you a drink I call 'Archappello.' It is a cross between Italian coffee and pousse cafe. It is made with six liquors. I assure you that you will enjoy it and that you will never forget it."

Cevello wheezed and puffed like a steam engine. That long statement must have drained his lungs and put his heart into rapid oscillations. In spite of his strange manners and repulsive appearance, there was a certain intrigue about him for me. He had obviously been around in the world. He knew a great deal and it would be interesting to see his yacht. I wondered what the count and countess would say.

"Yes, indeed," the count responded. Christy and I will be honored to accept your invitation."

"So will we," I said.

"Mr. Cello, or whatever you call yourself, you are not to be trusted." It was Aunt Agatha speaking. She was standing with her head cocked to one side and one finger against her forehead as if to denote a depth of thought. "You were born under the sign of Scorpio," Agatha continued. "You are crafty and under-handed. You are or have been mixed up with the Mafia. I worked with the FBI after the war. They needed help to find some missing Italian paintings that had been stolen from the New York Art Museum. I put them in touch with one Beccilli Olivetti who had died during the war. He knew what had happened to those paintings and who was mixed up in it. As I recall, you were one of the ring of thieves. But your name was not Cevello then, it was Civatillo. It was not the paintings that you wanted at all. It was what was hidden in those paintings! But I can say no more. My lips are sealed. There are those who even today would kill to know the truth about these things."

"What is this old lady babbling about?" Cevello demanded.

"Don't pay any attention to her," I replied. "She sleeps with a crystal bail instead of a pillow. She also gives seances and reads palms. Perhaps, you'd like a reading some time."

"Don't be silly," Agatha interjected. "Palm-reading is pure fakery!"

"And what, then, is communicating with the dead--and astrology?" I confronted Agatha.

"I perceive that in this life you are not to know about such things," Auntie replied. But in some future life I believe that you will. We all come back again and again, you know."

"Not reincarnation, too!" I exclaimed. "This is too much for one day. Pamela, what else haven't you told me about your Aunt Agatha?"

"Come along, dear. We'll talk about it later," Pam tried to console me.

The waiter came with the bill. I paid it. Or, at least I wrote a check for it which I think will be honored by the bank. Agatha left a quarter at the table and we proceeded outside to the fresh sea air.

Cevello's yacht turned out to be a sixty-foot sailing ketch. She was anchored all right, but the stern had been brought neatly up to the end of one of the slips and tied. A gang plank had been put in place so that we could walk easily from the end of the float onto the stern of the yacht. Her name was carved into the stern. "Jewel Thief"!

What a yacht she was! There was soft guitar music playing in the background as we entered the after- deck area which had shimmering hard- wood decking, oriental soft lights, huge bamboo lounging chairs, and a wet bar complete with an oriental man in white dress coat serving Cevello's "Archappello" care. The stars were fully visible as was the lighting on the government buildings and the Empress Hotel. It was a picture book scene.

"That name on your yacht, Cevello," I began, "isn't it a bit strange?"

"Not when you know its history," Cevello explained. "You see many people believed that I took advantage in my buying and selling of jewels. It is the old story that one is never happy with the price he gets for his valuable things. He always dreams that he could have gotten more. I had the connections for re-sale. Many begrudged me my modest profit. On certain gems, especially those of questionable origin, I required a profit of one thou- sand per cent. But there was risk involved at the time. However, as time passed I did not have any trouble disposing of these jewels. When people began to see that the limits of the statutes would run out, they began to refer to me as the 'Jewel Thief.' I did not mind it. They would say, 'Take your jewels to the Jewel Thief but be prepared to have them stolen from you for he will pay only a fraction of their true worth.' I became proud of that reputation. Today, long after I could be prosecuted for any wrong I might have done, it amuses me to have my yacht named in honor of my reputation and it is a conversation piece as well."

"A delightful conversationalist you are, too!" I said sarcastically. I had just finished my first cafe. It was so good I decided--at the waiter's urging--to try another. Pamela came over to me and whispered.

"Cevello's put something in these drinks, Harvey. The lights are starting to blur."

"Nonsense," I replied. "I haven't tasted anything so good in a long time and the others don't seem bothered. Why there are our Aunt Agathas talking to the Cevello twins. Oh oh! Both aunties just slumped over! Say--you may...

I don't know how long I was out. I remember strange whirling lights and a soft buzzing sound. The next thing I knew Cevello was standing over me and the others. He was laughing.

"I hope that you people have enjoyed your little rest. Perhaps, you all had too much to drink," he chided between wheezing chuckles.

"Too much to drink!" I said. "Nonsense. You drugged us," I managed to say from my swollen mouth and huge tongue.

"I guess you will never know for certain," Cevello replied. "My man, Kato, has already cleaned up your glasses and retired for the night. However, whatever was the cause of your nap, it has given me the opportunity to examine the Deming diamond more closely. You see, I have a microscope and other instruments for appraising diamonds in a cabin below deck. I took the liberty of removing the countess' necklace while she and the rest of you slept."

"My diamond!" The countess exclaimed. "It's gone."

"Not gone, Countess Christina, merely loaned to me for a few hours of my careful inspection," Cevello told her. "A harmless interlude for which none will be the worse in any way. Here, to show my good faith, I shall return the diamond to you right now."

Cevello reached into his right coat pocket. He moved his hand as if to search for something. He then plunged his other hand into his left coat pocket. His grotesque face seemed to have a genuinely puzzled look on it.

"I cannot understand this. I put the diamond in that pocket not twenty minutes ago. Now it is not there," Cevello said almost apologetically. "Someone has... where is that aunt of yours? She is not here on deck."

"It will do you no good to try to create a side disturbance, Cevello," I said. "The fact is that the countess' diamond is missing and you admit taking it. The police are going to be very interested in all this."

"Indeed." The count had awakened and overheard enough of the conversation to comment. "You, mein Herr, shall be under arrest before the night is out and in jail where you belong unless the diamond is returned immediately, understand? Schnell, schnell, mein Herr!"

"Believe me," Cevello began, "nothing would give me more pleasure. However, the diamond is lost ... at least for the present. I cannot oblige you nor will it do you any good to go to the police. I will merely say that you were all drunk and that the jewel was probably lost overboard. A search of myself and the ship will no doubt be useless. Without any evidence, your story will not hold water any better than a leaky old wooden boat. Now if you will all merely be calm about this, we can handle it like gentlemen and ladies. I will help you search in the morning. Besides, if the diamond is lost permanently, I am sure that you had it well insured, Count, did you not?"

"You know full well that the diamond is not insured and you know why," the count said to Cevello. He then turned to the countess. "Kommen sie hier, meine liebe Frau. This 'jewel thief' merely plays with us. We shall settle this in our own way."

With that the two of them left the yacht and faded into the darkness.

I yawned and said, "It's past my bedtime. I can't see any reason to continue this if the count and countess are leaving. After all if you can't count on your friendly count, who can you trust?"

"But where is Aunt Agatha?" Pamela queried.

"Lost with the diamond, I hope," I answered. "Perhaps, you're not such a bad fellow, Cevello, if you can make her disappear! But look here: what's this business about no insurance and your knowing about it?"

"You're not waiting for me, I hope" It was Aunt Agatha approaching from below deck.

"Where have you been," I demanded.

"I wanted to explore this ship" Auntie explained. "Besides, I needed to use the facilities. Can't an old lady go to the bathroom without creating an uproar?"

"Good night," Cevello said grumpily. Obviously he had no intention of answering my question.

We said "good night" and the three of us returned to the Sea Bounty. Aunt Agatha went to the forward state room without saying more than "good night." Pamela and I retired to our aft quarters and began preparing for a much overdue night's rest.

"This Cevello, Harvey," Pam said, "are we going to let him get away with stealing that diamond so easily? And why did the count and countess give up without a fight? I like them, but that Cevello--he's a crook, if you ask me."

"Well, I didn't ask you," I replied. "But, I guess that I feel about the same way."

"Oh, Harvey, Dear." It was Aunt Agatha's voice.

"Now what is she 'dearing' me for?" I said to Pam. "Yes," I called to Auntie.

"The sink is plugged up here," Agatha answered.

"Well, I'll look at it in the morning," I promised.

"No, that won't do," Agatha replied. "I have to wash out some stockings tonight."

"Oh, all right," I grumbled.

I put on my bath robe and went forward.

"Why don't you go up in the salon for a while, and I'll have a look at it," I suggested.

Auntie obliged. I reached into the sink and felt the drain. There were two rather large marble-like objects lodged in it. I could feel them, but the suction of the water was holding them in place and the drain was so small that I couldn't get my fingers around them. I reached under the basin and squeezed the drain hose in my fist. The back- pressure squirted the objects into my waiting other hand. I looked closely at them. Diamonds. It was the Deming Diamond. Only now there were two of them! "Aunt Agatha," I began as I climbed the ladder to the salon, "kindly explain to me what two large diamonds are doing in your wash basin--at least one of which has got to be the missing diamond."

"There must be some mistake," Agatha said.

"Yes, and I made it when I consented to this cruise," I interjected.

"What's going on?" queried Pamela as she entered in her negligee.

"Diamonds are going on," I replied. "Look what I found in Auntie's sink!"

"Oh, oh," Pam exclaimed. "Auntie, you shouldn't have. Don't you remember the trouble you get in when you take things?"

"Am I missing something?" I questioned.

"I forgot to tell you, dear, that one of Auntie's bad habits is picking up jewels and gold things that don't belong to her," Pamela explained.

"You mean she's a kleptomaniac?" I asked.

"Well, she takes things without really meaning to," Pam replied.

"Without meaning to!" I shouted. "Do you realize that we're in a foreign country? We could all three be thrown in jail and our boat confiscated. We're jewel thieves!"

"Now, dear, I'm sure it's not all that bad," Pam tried to console me. "Auntie, tell us where you 'found' these."

"Well, one of them was in a cabin below deck on that Cevello fellow's boat. The other was... well... it was in his pocket," Agatha explained.

"She's a pickpocket, too!" I exclaimed.

"But, Harvey," Pamela said, "now we know what was going on."

"We do?" I asked.

"Yes, of course, darling," Pam replied. "We know that there is only one Deming Diamond. The other one has to be a fake. Cevello had the fake and planned to switch the diamonds. Agatha sort of complicated things for him. Why, she's a hero! She has saved the countess' diamond."

"Well, I don't know if I'd call her a hero," I said. "On the other hand, I suppose the count and countess will be happy to get their diamond back. That is, if at least one of those stones is real. I'd take it to the count now, but he's gone to bed, no doubt. Besides, there are some parts of this that I want to clear up first. We'll return the diamond and its replica in the morning. For now, I'11 take them for safekeeping.

I took the diamonds and placed them carefully on the cabinet top in our head. Just for good measure, I locked both our outside and inside cabin doors. Then we all went to bed and finally to sleep.

It was almost nine o'clock when I awoke. Pam was lying beside me reading a novel.

"Harvey, I'd like to hold those diamonds. Just for a few minutes," Pamela said.

"I guess that can't do any harm," I replied. "I'll get them. But, we've got to get dressed and clear up this mystery."

I got up and walked into the head. I stared at the cabinet top. There were no diamonds. I looked everywhere in the head. Either they were gone... or they had never been there!

"Pamela, do you suppose that we dreamed the whole thing?" I asked. "There are no diamonds in here."

"Of course we didn't dream it," Pam replied. "You're the one who contemplates and who has crazy dreams, not me. Those diamonds were there when we went to bed. I'll swear to that."

"Well, Auntie couldn't have taken them. Both doors to our cabin are still locked," I said. "I've had enough of all this. I am going to call the police right now."

"Do you really think that you should?" Pam queried.

"Yes, indeed," I replied. "This Cevello character is not in the habit of being played with. Also, the countess deserves to get her diamond back. I think that we should tell the police all we know as a protection to ourselves and because it may help in recovering the diamond."

So I got dressed and went to the pay phone. "Royal Canadian Police, Sergeant Macintosh on the line," the voice said.

"I want to report a jewel theft," I said.

"Now let me get this straight, lad, you do not wish to report a murder?" the voice said in a thick Scottish brogue.

"I don't even want to think about a murder" I said. "I want to report a theft."

"A theft of what? Now speak right up, laddie. Don't be hesitant," the sergeant said.

"Diamonds," I said.

"Do they have a value over two-hundred-fifty dollars?" Macintosh asked.

"Considerably!" I replied. "You'll be wantin' to talk to the inspector," the sergeant said.

"Exactly, sergeant, just what I've been trying to tell you--" I said.

"Well, he's out right now," the voice replied.

"Where did he go?" I asked.

"I don't know," was the reply.

"Well, if you happen to find your inspector, would you be so kind as to ask him to see Harvey Owens aboard the Sea Bounty, moored in front of the Empress Hotel? And tell him that it's urgent, please."

"Well, I kin not say. Now if you said that this was a murder, I'm sure that he could get there right away."

"Tell him that if he's not here within the hour, there will be a murder. His!" I said.

"Aye, laddie, I'll do the best I kin for you," the sergeant concluded.

About two hours later, two men came walking down the dock toward our boat. The first was short, thin and dark-complected. He was, perhaps, in his early fifties. He had a round face, long nose, and eyes that he kept blinking and squinting as if he could not see the boards on the dock well. He had a mustache with waxed ends that looked as if he had bought it at a dime store. His eyebrows were bushy and unruly. He was followed by a young man of medium height and build, and nondescript features. The first man wore a rumpled, brown suit that looked as if it had been slept in. He had a cap pulled down over his eyes. The second man wore a wide-brim trooper's hat, neatly placed in the exact center of his head.

"Come aboard, gentlemen," I called to them. The uniformed officer remained on the dock, but the short fellow hurried forward.

"I am Inspector... ," the first man began as he stepped through, or rather tripped and fell through the cabin door. "Rousseau," he concluded from face down on Pamela's recently hooked rug.

"I am here," Rousseau said, as he rose to one knee, "to solve the murder and apprehend the murderer in the Name of the Crown, whoever he may be, without any favoritism to anyone. Is that understood? Now you, monsieur, what is your name? How did you discover the murder? Where is the body? Where were you on the night in question?"

"One thing at a time, Inspector," I said. "First, may I help you up?"

"No, I am looking for clues," replied Rousseau. "You see, most people overlook the obvious clues all around them. For example, you are wearing one blue sock and one brown one. Do you not consider that a bit strange, monsieur?"

"Not at all, Inspector," I replied. "Now if I were wearing one blue sock, one brown sock and one red sock, I would consider that strange! By the way would you tie my left lace while you're down there?"

"Very funny, monsieur," the Inspector said. "It is your right shoe lace that is untied and not your left. You see I don't miss the slightest thing in looking for clues. Now just hold your foot still for another minute. I am just about finished with... that is strange. My finger is now tied in the lace. Could you help me get it out? Ah, thank you. But now your lace is untied again. Pity."

The Inspector tried to stand up. Unfortunately, his lace-tying had led him under our table so that the back of his head hit the bottom of the table top as he attempted to straighten up. He slumped back to the deck in pain.

"No matter," he said. "I think better laying down, anyway. Now what is your name? Where is the murdered man?"

"Look, Inspector," I began, "there has not yet been a murder. There is however, a missing diamond or rather two missing diamonds," I proceeded to relate to the inspector the details of the night before, omitting nothing. I introduced him to Pamela. Aunt Agatha was still below, resting in her cabin.

"First," the Inspector began, "I will look for the missing diamonds in the compartment of this Aunt of yours. She, no doubt, has them and will admit it upon my close inspection."

Rousseau took two steps forward toward the cabin. As he ascended, he missed a rung on the ladder and plunged head first into the forward compartment.

"What is the meaning of this?" Aunt Agatha demanded.

"I am inspecting," Rousseau said, getting to his feet and rubbing his elbow gently. "You should see the bruises I got from my last case," He continued. "I tell you that being an inspector is a dangerous occupation."

"You wouldn't fail so much if you'd wear glasses," Auntie suggested. "You're squinting as if you can't see a thing."

"Nonsense. I can see perfectly," Rousseau said as he stumbled on the head door and fell into the head. "It is merely that I can get more clues from places that people don't expect me to look. Now this telephone booth, for example, there is no telephone. Do you not think that a bit strange?"

When the inspector had finished interrogating Agatha and inspecting her phone booth, he prepared to leave.

"I will now interview the others involved in this case," he said as he started out the cabin door. "I shall have this case solved within the hour. It is almost twelve o'clock, and I am getting hungry. Therefore, I must complete this assignment so I can go to lunch."

With these words, the inspector opened the cabin door and darted through.

"Wait, Rousseau," I yelled. But it was too late. He had gone out the door on the opposite side of the boat from the one he had entered and, instead of stepping off on the dock, he stepped into the cold Victoria Harbour water with a splash like an elephant.

I rushed out onto the deck. He was going down the second time, yelling something about his cap. The young officer was obediently trying to fish out the inspector's floating cap with a fish pole he had found lying on the dock, but the inspector himself obviously could not swim. I threw our life ring to him. He grabbed it, coughing and spewing water out of his mouth. I pulled him with the line on the ring, around to the stern of our boat.

"How does one get on and off such a boat when one is swimming?" the Inspector inquired.

"On this swim-step," I replied as I helped him up.

"What an unfortunate mishap," I said to him.

The Inspector replied between gasps for breath, "Not at all. You see now I know how the diamonds were stolen from your cabin last night. Follow me and I will show you."

I followed the drenched Inspector along the deck to the porthole in our cabin's head. He kneeled down and put his hand and arm through the porthole into our head. Pamela screamed from inside.

"Pardon me, madam," Rousseau said as he withdrew his arm and hand. "But now monsieur, you see how the diamonds disappeared after you thought they were secure in your cabin."

I had to admit that the Inspector had discovered a valuable point which I had overlooked. I gave him two of our towels to dry himself as best he could. The count and countess appeared on the dock. I introduced the Inspector and suggested that he was trying to recover the missing diamonds. Rousseau told us all to follow him to Cevello's boat. I called to Pamela and Agatha and followed the Inspector.

Cevello was lounging on his promenade deck. When we were all assembled, the Inspector began his speech.

"First, officer," he said, "give me my hat."

"But, Inspector, sir..." the officer began. "Give it here, at once," Rousseau demanded.

He put it upon his head. The water, however, had not been wrung out of it so that it dripped down the Inspector's forehead, cheeks and nose, requiring that he wipe his face every few minutes with one of the towels I had given him. Between that and his wrinkled, shrinking, wet suit, he was quite a sight.

"As I was saying," he continued. "First I will review the sequence of events, then I will identify the jewel thief and finally I will arrest the thief in the Name of the Crown."

"But my diamond," declared the countess, "where is my diamond?"

"That we will find when we search the thief and his or her belongings," continued the Inspector. "Now, first the diamond disappeared from the countess' throat. But we all know that Cevello here had it."

"There is no proof of that," Cevello interrupted.

"Monsieur, you will please let me proceed," Rousseau said impatiently.

"Next the diamond disappeared from Cevello, but Monsieur Owens' Aunt Agatha had it."

"She's not my Aunt Agatha," I introjected.

"I should have known it was you," Cello scowled.

"Except that then there were two diamonds instead of one," the Inspector continued. "And Monsieur Owens took them both into custody. During the night, someone swam from the deck of this very boat, in fact, he stepped onto the swim step, like this..."

The Inspector stepped flamboyantly off the stern of Cevello's boat, not realizing that sail boats do not have swim steps. In time, we fished him out of the water along with his cap and we all returned to Cevello's deck. The Inspector was even more drenched than before.

"Alas, this has been quite a day," the Inspector began again. "I'll have bruises for weeks from this case, and I have almost drowned twice. Besides, I'm hungry. I tell you the life of an Inspector is not an easy one to live."

"Poor fellow," Pam consoled him.

"No matter. You see when I stepped overboard a few minutes ago, I discovered another clue. This boat's name is 'Jewel Thief.' It is painted on the back of the boat. I know now that it is the owner of this boat, Monsieur Cevello, who swam from this boat last night to the swim step of Monsieur Owens' boat, reached through the port hole and took the diamonds. Officer, handcuff that man! Monsieur Cevello, I arrest you in the name of the Crown. You are the jewel thief."

"Preposterous!" Cevello exclaimed.

"Yes, preposterous, indeed!" I echoed.

"But, monsieur, you yourself saw the clue of the water on your deck leading to the porthole," Rousseau pleaded.

"Inspector, you, yourself, dripped that water there when you walked around to the porthole after failing overboard from my boat," I advised him. "Further, Cevello's too heavy. Had he stepped on our boat, we would have felt it list to one side and awakened. Why, Cevello probably couldn't even get that bulk of his out of the water and onto the swim step."

Rousseau looked dejected. "But, Monsieur, if Monsieur Cevello is not the thief then who is? I must catch the thief and make an arrest. I'm hungry."

"I believe that it was the count, I announced." He could have overheard Pamela, Agatha, and myself talking last night, waited until we were asleep, walked quietly aboard, reached through the porthole and palmed the diamonds.

"But, why would I steal my own diamond, Herr Owens?" demanded the count.

"Is it not true that you are in need of money?" I questioned. "My guess is that you are and that you did not want the countess to know of your financial difficulties.

"You are merely speculating," the count said.

"Perhaps so," I continued, "but that could explain the second diamond, or rather the copy of the diamond. The way I figure it, you contacted Cevello months ago and offered to sell him the diamond in exchange for money and a copy of it. In this way, the countess would never know of your problems and could go on wearing what she thought was the Deming Diamond while you would have money to continue to pay the bills."

"Why would he sell it to Cevello?" Pam asked.

"He is, no doubt, the only man in the world capable of getting a copy made of that diamond from his own memory and of marketing the real diamond quietly," I concluded.

"Can this be true, Heinrich?" asked the countess.

"I'm afraid it is, meine Christina," confessed the count as he produced the jewels from his pocket.

"But, why didn't you tell me?" Christina queried.

"I wanted to protect you from the truth of our affairs," replied Count Hoffman.

"Exactly," Inspector Rousseau came to life. "And the meeting of Cevello last night at the Empress was not by chance but had been prearranged. Only the aunt's interference was unexpected. Cevello's job was to exchange the jewels without the countess knowing. Count Hoffman, you are the jewel thief. I arrest you in the Name of the Crown. Officer, put this man in handcuffs and take him away."

"Not so fast, Inspector," I said.

"You can't arrest the count for stealing his own jewels! They are community property. I doubt very much that the countess is interested in pressing charges."

"Not at all," said the countess. "We will sell the diamond, but not to Cevello. We will get for it its full worth."

"Meine Liebe Frau, I was so foolish," said the count.

"As for Cevello," I said, "he committed no crime with respect to the diamond. He was merely driving a hard bargain with the count. I'm sure, in fact, that he will generously want the countess to have the copy he had made since it will now be of no use to him whatsoever, and since we could all very likely have him arrested for drugging us last night if he doesn't give it to her."

Cevello growled.

"But what of my jewel thief?" asked the Inspector. "Who can I arrest."

"Well, there is one jewel thief among us," I confessed. "After all Aunt Agatha did take two diamonds, one belonging to the countess and one belonging to Cevello. She is what one would call a kleptomaniac."

"Ah, yes, to be sure," said Rousseau. "Madam, you are the jewel thief. I arrest you in the name of the Crown. I'll handcuff you myself and take you to jail--but first we'll stop for lunch. I'm hungry." The Inspector lunged forward, slipped on the wet deck where he had been standing and dripping, and slid to Agatha's feet.

"You, Inspector are a Scorpio..." Agatha began.

"I assure you, madam, I am not a scorpion. I'll buy you lunch on the way to jail," Rousseau concluded. "I must celebrate for I have captured 'the jewel thief."

"Oh, I'll pay my own way!" Agatha said, as she handed him a quarter.

Later that afternoon, Pamela and I sat on the flying bridge of the Sea Bounty having martinis.

"I propose a toast to Aunt Agatha and to Inspector Rousseau," I said.

"I can't understand how you could have turned my aunt in like that, Harvey," Pamela replied.

"My dear Pamela," I began, "no one will come forward with charges against her. She'll be released in a few hours or tomorrow at the latest. Mean- while, we're rid of her for awhile!"

"Harvey!" Pamela declared.

"Besides," I continued, "you'll have to admit that it's high time Auntie learned not to take things that aren't hers. By the way, where are your diamond ear rings? You haven't had them on all day."

 "I couldn't find them yesterday or today," Pam answered. "Harvey, you don't suppose ..."

"I do, indeed," I said. "I suspect that you will find them in Agatha's jewelry collection along with my cuff links which disappeared before dinner last night.

"Well, Agatha never was my favorite aunt," Pam said. "But she does have her good points."

"To the jewel thief" I offered.

"To the jewel thief," Pam replied.