In the Beginning, God applied to the Heavenly Board of Supervisors for a Substantial Development Permit to create the World. In His Environmental Impact Statement, He pointed out that, "The earth is without form and void of any life." It was, He said in effect, "A black hole in the universe, serving no good purpose." He planned to construct land and seas and to populate them with human beings.
The Black-hole Watchers Society immediately formed a Save The Without Form and Void Committee. "God's plans," they pointed out, "will substantially alter the coastline of heaven." "A black hole", they suggested, "should be left in its natural stae for all to watch. It should be included in the Milky-Way Universal Park."
The Heavenly Environmental Protection Agency ruled that the safety of human beings had not been demonstrated. The agency was quick to point out that, since they would take in oxygen and food and expel carbon dioxide and waste, the new creatures could not pass heavenly standards for pollution control.
The heavenly bureaucrats prepared a staff report. "God," the report said, "has been entirely too enterprising in the past." "Ownership of the universe should not give Him the right to do with it as he pleases. The modern procedure, called committeeism, is for everyone to have a say in what everyone else does. This system assures that everything is done for the good of the whole and that nothing is done," the report concluded.
The Heavenly Board of Supervisors met jointly with the Regional Heavenly Planning Committee to consider God's application. The Planning Committee chairman noted that the Master Zoning Plan for the region designated the area in question as wild and scenic. The board noted that God would have to drive pilings at either end of the earth to form an axis upon which the world could turn. Extensive dredge and fill work would be needed to form the continents of the earth. "Worst of all," the board chairman stated, "God's plan will clutter up the surrounding areas with things he calls stars, a moon, and a sun. "The sun," he concluded, "is to be used to provide heat for the humans. It will alter the temperature of that entire area and, it represents a wasteful use of our energy."
The application was denied.
The Editor
May 15, 1981